on finding havers

Just a bit more from Ann Spangler (from Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus) on being a haver…

There’s more to being a haver than just being a Christian friend. A haver is a fellow disciple who earnestly desires to grapple with others over issues of faith – someone who wants to delve into God’s Word, to be challenged and refined. A haver is like a spiritual “jogging partner” – someone for whom you’ll crawl out of bed on a rainy morning, putting on your running shoes instead of hitting the snooze button. Once you’re up and running together, your pace is a little faster, you keep going a little longer. You are pushed intellectually and spiritually. If we really want to mature in faith and as disciples, we need to develop relationships that force us to grow, by getting ourselves some haverim…

Becoming each other’s haverim is an effective way to fulfill Jesus’ command to raise up disciples. Rather than viewing ourselves as the “rabbi” and others as our “disciples,” becoming haverim allows us to take on the role of “co-disciples.” We can help others grow by learning right alongside them.

Finding, choosing haverim…

It strikes me that Jesus chose the twelve, he handpicked his talmidim (talmid = disciple) which instantly made them havers to one another. What strikes me is that they didn’t pick their havers, Jesus did by putting them together. Even when they were paired two by two and sent out, I doubt they got to choose their partner. Perhaps this is where we go off right from the start. We go through life handpicking our haverim, and whom do we generally pick? Well, people just like us, of course! Do we gravitate towards those who challenge us, our thinking, our theology, our politics? Or do we busily, with that “like” thumbs up, “friend” those who confirm our leanings, reinforce our prejudices, and pile on in our rantings while “unfriending” those that actually think differently? I suppose that’s only natural. We all do it.

This is what we do in our offices, in our politics (what a lovely party system we have developed!), and in our churches. Charismatics cluster with Charismatics, Pentecostals with Pentecostals, Reformed people with other Reformed people, unreformed people with other unreformed people, singles with singles, youth with youth, Jews with Jews, Gentiles with Gentiles, etc etc etc. The problem is when we selectively choose the members of our own havering body, we always end up with Frankenstein (or his wonderful bride). Because left to ourselves we will always choose toadies. “Yes, tell me again how perceptive I am…tell me how wrong they are…isn’t this a wonderful little club we share..” Knave. Stayne.

Havers challenge us, annoy us, bug us, make us think, make us better. They drag us out of bed when we’d rather hit the snooze just one more time. They pull off our facades even as they call forth our muchiness. And we cannot pick these people. They find us. He brings them to us, constantly. You know who they are – they’re the ones you wish would leave.